It’s Not All in Your Head: Neurotypicals Dislike Autistics
Before realizing they’re Autistic, many late-identified Autistic people struggle with feeling like they don’t fit in. They might struggle with feeling excluded, or they might feel like others don’t always like them very much. These beliefs might be based on very real, very frequent social interactions in which they are bullied, excluded, or treated as different.
If these unrecognized Autistic people seek help for the social pain and rejection they are experiencing, they are likely to be told that they are having “negative” and “unrealistic” thoughts that others don’t like them. They might be told that these “erroneous” thoughts are hurting their mental health and well-being. Well-meaning therapists who don’t have much knowledge about neurodivergence and autism might encourage unrecognized Autistic people to “challenge” these “negative” thoughts with more “realistic and positive” thoughts like, “I am liked just as much as other people.” As a result, unidentified Autistic people might unintentionally gaslight themselves into thinking that their perception that they are disliked is wrong.
But for better or worse, recent research suggests that Autistic people often aren’t wrong about being socially disliked and excluded.
In a 2021 study, Noah Sasson and his colleagues found that allistic (non-Autistic) people often form negative first impressions of Autistic individuals based on brief social interactions. As a result, allistic people feel less desire and willingness to engage with Autistic people. In this study, the allistic person was not aware that the other person was Autistic. Despite this, the allistic person still did not like them and did not want to engage with them. They judged Autistic people more negatively, viewing them as less approachable, less likable, and less socially competent.
This study is very important in showing that allistic people hold negative biases against Autistic people. These negative biases likely contribute to the social exclusion, rejection, and difficulties forming relationships that Autistic people frequently describe experiencing.
This study supports other research on the Double Empathy Problem (click on the link to learn more in my recent blog post). For decades, Autistic people have been told they have deficits in social communication and relationships. However, research on the Double Empathy Problem suggests that both Autistic and neurotypical people struggle to effectively communicate with and understand each other. It goes both ways—allistics struggle to understand and connect with Autistics, and Autistics struggle to understand and connect with allistics. This challenges the idea that Autistic people have social deficits and suggests that social communication difficulties between people with different neurotypes are a two-way street.
The problem isn’t that Autistic people can’t understand neurotypicals. It’s that Autistic and neurotypical people have different ways of communicating, and it’s difficult for them to understand each other.
Sasson’s research takes this even further, suggesting that Autistic people not only do not have social communication deficits, but they also experience real-world biases that impact their social experiences and overall well-being. These biases are only increased for Autistic people who also belong to marginalized groups, such as BIPOC people, LGBTQ+ people, and trans and genderqueer people.
I tell my clients about this study often. Although we can feel a lot of grief about being negatively judged by allistics so quickly, it can also be incredibly validating to learn that our experiences are not “just in our heads.” This study (and others) validates that Autistic people experience real social rejection, and that they experience it much more frequently than allistic people.
References
Sasson, N. J., Faso, D. J., Nugent, J., Lovell, S., Kennedy, D. P., & Grossman, R. B. (2017). Neurotypical peers are less willing to interact with those with autism based on thin-slice judgments. Scientific Reports, 7(1), 40700. https://doi.org/10.1038/srep40700